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The cold hearted boy I used to be

I'm not going to lie, it's been a fairly pants week.  Alarm bells sounded when a colleauge mentioned to me that I look like I have the world on my shoulders. To be honest, it was good that someone had noticed, however I'm not the important one. Others are.  I've woken in a reflective mood, helped by some music. To summarise, it's a week that's reflected the NQTs graph below every hour.
There have been times when I think I may have made a difference, but most of the time I've been left wondering where the naive, idealistic boy inside me has gone.  One thing is missing from the graph - heartbreak.  
The roller coaster analogy is a good one - not only does the track fling the rider in all directions, they aren't in control. Some body else dictates the direction, speed and sets up all of the surprises. Who inspires the multipliers?
Anyway, one thing I used to do when I became the 'dad' of the family at around 12' was to lock down - to clear emotions, perhaps that would make it easier to deal with now? I used to listen to music, and then it brings stuff back:
The point of this story? I don't think that there is one apart from perhaps stubbornness is the way forward. But then, I hear the boy calling:

Perhaps the issue is that I worry too much about what other people think and have allowed him to be tamed? It's a time for brave leaders and brave leadership. I need to find where that person has gone. I think I need that cold hearted boy I used to be. The one that got me through the teenage years. He's the one that would have this six word memoir:

'Don't tell me that it's impossible.'


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